1/22/12, Marcus tries to call every night to let me know he’s okay…
This is a picture of Marcus the day before he voluntarily surrendered to prison and his life changed forever. If one thing good has come of it, it has to be that Marcus has quit smoking. No smoking is allowed in prison. The only thing Marcus knew about when he came out of his coma from his brain injury was smoking. He couldn’t tell you what it was, but he would put his hand up to his mouth as if holding a cigarette and mimicked smoking. Marcus had to relearn everything in his life after he coma because of his brain damage: how to eat and what to eat (he ate his deodorant), how to use the bathroom, how to dress, how to talk and how to walk. He had to learn just about everything, just like a newborn, except for smoking.
A nurse in the hospital gave Marcus a cigarette. He looked normal. He looked at her and put his fingers up to his lips to signal he needed a cigarette. (At the time the only word he knew was his name, Marcus.) She even lit it for him. Smokers always in those days (1994) helped a fellow smoker out if he didn’t have a cigarette. You could still smoke in the hospitals at that time and she knew he couldn’t leave his room because he had difficulty walking. He just smiled at her as he took a puff of his cigarette she told me later. She said she did not know he didn’t really know what he was doing with the cigarette once he had it. She hadn’t gotten report on him yet.
When I walked into the room I saw him lying on the bed with his eyes closed. I saw a little bit of smoke coming from the floor beside his bed. There on the floor was a lit cigarette. He had had no clue as to what to do with a cigarette after you put it in your mouth a couple of times so he threw it on the floor.
He finally relearned how to smoke again properly when he went out with his brothers and his girlfriend for smoke breaks when he was allowed to go to out the hospital smoking areas with them, as they all smoked. From then on he had smoked until now for a total of over eighteen years. The doctors had said once he had learned to smoke safely again to let him smoke because it was the one thing he had control of in his life after he had lost so terribly much.
It was amazing the power nicotine has over a human being. He could not even call me mom even though he knew I was important to him. He has smoked ever since. He has now been smoke-free for almost six months. Upon entering prison, a smoker is instantly a non-smoker. He received no assistance in the passage from smoker to nonsmoker. You have no choice except to go cold turkey into a smokeless world and Marcus made it. Now, maybe he won’t get lung cancer.
He has also had to go cold turkey on drinking Dr. Pepper daily. He used to drink a Dr. Pepper every morning for breakfast, one or two for lunch, one or two for supper, and one before he went to bed. Now he drinks water and a coke once in a while. Sometimes during visitation he can get a Dr. Pepper or two as they have them in the vending machines. (Did you know that sodas could cause osteoporosis? Maybe Marcus won’t have that either.)
Drastic changes have been made in his life and thankfully he is surviving.
There are no cell phones in prison. Inmates are allowed up to 300 minutes for calls a month if they can afford it. We talk anywhere from 3-5 minutes. We try not to talk too much longer if we can, so he can save his minutes to speak with his daughters, his dad, and his ex-in-laws. Marcus is very close to his ex-in-laws. Communication for inmates is an integral part of their support system and their connection to the society we want them to all come back too.
Some inmates have no one to talk to or to get any support from, or the desire to change so they can return to a better life, a good life, and to be a part of more than they are or were. I feel so sad for some of them. Families give a man hope, hope of change, hope of a home and family life and the hope of a future with the people who love and care for them.
The inmates have a chance to change. Some do and some don’t. It all depends on their mindset, their expectations and if they want to change. It also depends on if you were guilty or innocent. Not all men in prison are guilty no matter what anyone thinks. Marcus is innocent, but it seems it does not matter to the people who believe and practice that truth, honesty, and innocence is important part of our lives.
My heart breaks when I talk to him. It seems like our talks are repetitious. I ask about his day and he says it never changes or he says, “It’s the same old, the same old mom.” I try to be enthusiastic as I tell him about my day and the news from the world around him. I tell him how much we all love and miss him and he gets quiet. Then we say good-bye.
Everyone has told us that something good has to come out of something so wrong, but I can’t see it coming. I am waiting, though. Each day I pray for a sign of this to come and for Marcus’ protection in a world full of the unknown.
We have filed an appeal, but the brief hasn’t been filed yet, so the unknown is still the unknown.
Hope, Health, and Happiness,
Vickie
